Dear E. Jean: I'm 31 and have been with my husband since I was in college. I honestly thought sex was just a guy getting on top and sticking it in. So in those 11 years with him, I had a total of five orgasms. Then we separated, and I dated other men. They made me feel sexy! And I found out I loved to experiment.
My husband and I are now back together and working things out. He's willing to talk about a lot of issues, but he shuts down about sex and refuses to listen or change. For him, making love is vanilla and all about him—he has his climax, hands me a vibrator so I can "play," and then leaves to watch TV in the den.
Advertisement - Continue Reading BelowI bought a sexy thong and knee-high boots, and when I put them on, you know what he told me? "The boots are ugly." So I asked him what he thought was sexy, and he said, "Why do you care what I think is sexy? God! You need a lot of attention," and proceeded to lecture me about how needy I was for the next 20 minutes.
I know he thinks I'm hot, because he wants to have sex all the time; but this is important to me. I'm in the best shape of my life, with the healthiest sex drive ever, and I am frustrated! Other men are constantly hitting on me! —Fed Up and Rarin' to Go!
More From ELLEMiss Fed, my frappé: Excuse my bluntness, but I'm beginning to understand why you left this dude. Lecture you, indeed! All husbands and wives spout at one another. But for a marriage to be entertaining (and why else would anyone even be married?), you must stand up for yourself. Next time he starts a harangue, interrupt him with a sly smile and say, "You're right, darling! I am needy. And right now I need for you to stop ranting, or I'll go put on those ugly boots." If you're in a feisty mood, add, "And give you a swift kick in your nitpicks."
What's genuinely amazing is, despite his orneriness, you're about to enjoy much, much better sex together. It will take courage on your part—I warn you in advance, this advice is not for chickens. A pile of research (going all the way back to Plato, but see David Brooks' overview in The New York Times, October 20, 2009) demonstrates that each of us, every man and woman, is made up of different "selves." As Walt Whitman said, "I contain multitudes." Your husband is a mix of tendencies. He may be narrow-minded in the bedroom but highly experimental at the office. He may fib in church and yet always tell the truth to his poker buddies. What you must do is change the where/when/how circumstances of his erotic routine. When you change the circumstances, he will change.
Examples: If he boffs you only in the bedroom, start some lovey-dovey in the kitchen. If he likes the lights on, blindfold him. When he makes his first move, you go sit in the den and hand him the vibrator, and so on. Since he "shuts down" and "refuses to listen," whisper to him when he's in your power, i.e., when he's poking away like blazes. (That's not a Facebook reference.) He may complain that you're "breaking his concentration," but that's the point. Whisper your list of desires.
If he does not respond, he's a cruel, self-centered, unsalvageable cad. If he does respond, you're ready for phase two. Because "he wants to have sex all the time," and because you've schooled him to expect the unexpected, and because the secret of sexual ecstasy is creating desire and then drawing it out beyond all human endurance, agree with delight when he asks. But just when he's reaching the life-threatening excitement level, tell him, "Hold on." First he must do something you want.
In six months, you'll have turned him into a foreplay junkie—or you'll have the undeniable proof he's a worthless, self-besotted, uptight piece of crap, and the excellent practice you put in leaving him before will come in handy when you leave him again—this time for real.
Email your questions to e.jean@askejean.com

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Advertisement - Continue Reading BelowScientific data is inconclusive, but we estimate that there are about a million reasons to break up with Valentine's Day. Cheesy cards and foil-wrapped chocolates are two of them. Edible Arrangements are a third.
And yet despite such evident flaws, the holiday is not without its merits. Love is good and important and delicious. No one knows that better than food blogger Molly Yeh.
The madcap genius behind My Name is Yeh graduated from Juilliard with a degree in percussion, followed her heart and boyfriend to a farm just outside of Grand Forks, North Dakota, and fulfilled hopes and dreams we didn't even know we had in her invention of scallion pancake challah. A few weeks ago, she married the man known to her readers as "eggboy," and the Internet swooned.
More from Countdown to Valentine's Day11 articles How to Have a Chic Valentine's Day at Home What ELLE.com Editors Want to Give and Get This... Advice From Patti Stanger: How to Go to a Bar... The Sexiest Lingerie to Wear Under Your... Just as the best romances, it all seems a little too good to be true—the impromptu fondue parties, the marzipan garnishes, her perfect wedding album. But it's real. The woman has a heart-shaped Dutch oven to prove it.
Given that, we asked Yeh to help us reclaim the celebration of sentiment—to save it from Mylar balloons and fluorescent lighting. Unlike our ex-boyfriends, she did not disappoint.
"Not everything has to be pink and chocolate-y and sappy all the time," Yeh offered the recalcitrant among us. "You don't have to put a lot of pressure on yourself to make it the best, most romantic day ever. Just treat yourself to something nice. Treat the person you love to something nice. Do something small. Do something unexpected."
And remember to have fun. Yeh always does. One time she made boob cakes. Are you in love with her yet?

What spells L-O-V-E to you?

Paying attention to the little things, I think. It's not the big gestures—flowers or chocolates. It's [things] like [my husband] seeing that I've had a long and hard day and washing out my frosting bowl and sticking it in the dishwasher for me, or telling me to go to sleep early because I'm tired, or surprising me with Chinese food.
It's just about being thoughtful. I have this burning memory of this stage in my life where I was trying to be healthy. I was trying to cut out sugar. I was running every day. I was in really great shape. And this ex-boyfriend of mine showed up to my house with a massive cream puff, thinking it was this romantic gesture. And I was just like, "I have to eat this now, and, no, I don't want to! I would much rather you paid attention to my desire to be healthy." That was not romantic. He should have showed up in running shoes. With broccoli.

What is one super sappy cliché that you secretly love?

Oh, this is so sappy, but every Valentine's Day that I've been with [my husband] I wake up and realize that every day of that year has basically been one big Valentine's Day just because I am so happy to be with him. To wake up and feel loved is so special. And I genuinely have that feeling every day. That's so mushy. That's the most mushy that I'm going to get, but it's true.

If flavors could be couples, which would you vote Prom King and Queen?

Macaroni and cheese. Are those flavors?

How should single guys and gals survive the gushiest day of the year?

Hang out with your girlfriends and eat cake and watch  The Notebook. Or do the guy equivalent of that. Play a video game. There's not a bad thing about that. I mean, the worst Valentine's Days are not when you're single. The worst Valentine's Days are when you're with someone that you know you shouldn't be with. So don't try to go out and find a date for Valentine's Day. That's dumb. Have a date with a cake or something. Treat yourself to a cake. That's my final answer: Cake.

How do you plan to revel in Valentine's Day this year?

Well, I leave for my honeymoon this week. [My husband and I] will be in Salzburg…at a 1,200-year-old restaurant. I think it's the oldest restaurant in the world. Apparently Mozart ate there. And apparently Charlemagne ate there. And I am just going to have so much schnitzel and cake and that is just going to be the happiest time ever. I am very excited.

Here, Molly shares her Low-Key Lovers Breakfast (No shades of pink were harmed in the making of this recipe):

On Saturday, some of us will bake cupcakes for our significant others or make chocolate soufflés and whip heavy cream. Some of us will buy roses or cards or cufflinks. And some of us will break into hives.
But for those of us allergic to syrupy sentiment, there is hope. For as long as she can remember, Molly Yeh has had a pretty big crush on Valentine's Day. Given that she got married a few weeks ago, this year's celebration is especially sweet.
In anticipation of her favorite holiday, we asked Yeh to share a recipe for a simple, savory dish that even the averse among us can prepare for the people we—okay, fine—adore.
We promise it will be okay. Sriracha is involved. And she wrote it in Emoji.

iStockphotoAdvertisement - Continue Reading BelowSpanish fly. Rhinoceros horn. Phallic-looking foods. Throughout history, people have gone to a lot of trouble—not to mention putting their health in danger, in some cases—trying to find libido boosters to improve their sex lives. Today pleasure seekers have it easier because, as it turns out, the grocery store is the perfect place to find natural aphrodisiacs. Bonus: In addition to making sex a little steamier, nearly all these foods have health benefits beyond the bedroom.
More From ELLE 1.
Chocolate
This dark, delicious dessert has long been associated with indulgence, but that's not the only reason chocolate puts you and your guy in a sensual mood. The treat contains caffeine, which helps perk you up and also boosts serotonin and dopamine, neurotransmitters that contribute to feelings of well-being and happiness, according to Kerry Neville, a registered dietitian and spokeswoman for the American Dietetic Association.
"Chocolate brings on feelings of euphoria—like in the movie Chocolat," says Jennifer Berman, MD, a urologist and director of female urology and sexual medicine at the Rodeo Drive Women's Health Center in Beverly Hills, Calif. "It's a psycho-stimulant so it has an arousal effect." That's because chocolate contains phenylethylamine, a chemical with an amphetamine-like affect that temporarily mimics feelings of falling in love. In fact, a 2007 British study found that letting chocolate melt in your mouth is more stimulating and raised heart rates more than kissing. Chocolate, particularly dark chocolate, is also loaded with antioxidants that improve circulation and lower cholesterol. Photo: iStockphoto
2. Pumpkin Pie
The next time you want to seduce a guy, bake a pumpkin pie. A study that measured blood flow south of the border in men ages 18 to 64 found that the scent of pumpkin pie rated the highest response—a 40 percent increase to be exact, according to Alan R. Hirsch, MD, neurological director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago and author of Scentsational Sex. Lavender rated equally high, while close runners-up included donuts and black licorice, which boosted blood flow to men's nether regions by more than 31 percent. As surprising as it may seem, when it comes to sex, scent offers a greater libido lift than ingestion: "Ninety percent of what people call taste is actually smell," notes Hirsch. "The scent of these foods may reduce anxiety, which helps remove inhibitions." Photo: iStockphoto
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Advertisement - Continue Reading Below Jennifer Gach, Fashion Assistant, in Christian Louboutin sandals



Photo: Kelly Stuart

GARY SANCHEZ PRODUCTIONS / THE KOBAL COLLECTIONAdvertisement - Continue Reading BelowPhoto: Gary Sanchez Productions/The Kobal Collection
As if we needed another reason to make like Sheryl Sandberg and lean in: A new study from the University of Southern California Annenberg School shows that, despite the success of lady-driven blockbusters like Bridesmaids, female representation in films is now at its lowest level in five years. In the past year alone, women have represented less than one-third of all speaking characters in movies.
More From ELLEWhat gives? Apparently, despite the increased advocacy for women in film, there's still a ways to go before gender parity becomes the norm, according to Communication Professor Stacy L. Smith's findings.
Moreover, when onscreen, women are generally shown with more exposed skin or dressed in more revealing clothing. This is most dramatically the case with female teen characters. The study revealed that more than half of female teen actresses in movies were shown in sexy attire in 2012, which capped off a three-year increase in the hypersexualization of teen girls, while for other female actresses in different age groups the numbers don't show the same hike.
The biggest changes might just need to be made behind the camera, though: The numbers make a strong case that when a film has a female writer or director, more women are shown onscreen and in stronger, less sexualized roles. But female directors were still outnumbered 5 to 1 by their male counterparts in 2012—so get on it, ladies!
We want to know: Who do you think should be the new kind of teen queen? Who are your favorite female directors? Please let us know in the comments below!

iStockphoto Photo: iStockphoto
Advertisement - Continue Reading BelowDAY 5: APPLY SUNSCREEN LIKE IT'S YOUR JOB
If it's not already part of your daily beauty regimen, start protecting your skin against ultraviolet damage with an SPF of at least 15—and yes, all year long! Whether you apply sunscreen over your regular moisturizer or use a face lotion packed with SPF, the UVA/UVB-shielding formulas prevent structural damage and discoloration while preserving skin's natural glow. Beauty bonus: Sunscreen containing titanium dioxide adds subtle luminosity to skin.

The Recession Is Serving as Birth Control for Many U.S. Women

StocksyAdvertisement - Continue Reading BelowWomen are having kids later and later in life—but when the economy sinks, some women choose to avoid having a baby entirely. A new study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science projects that 151,000 U.S. women will skip having kids because of the recession, meaning there will be 427,000 fewer births in the long run.
Princeton researchers analyzed 140 million birth records from 1975 to 2010, tracking conception dates with unemployment levels from five different recessions. They found that when economic hopes dip for women who are between the ages of 20 and 24, the birth rate falls, and many of those women don't "make up" for hard times by having children later.
More From ELLEThe study's authors speculate this drop in birth rates happens because at that point in their lives, women are wondering whether they see themselves as parents in the future. So a recession would make them think they can't afford to have kids, and that attitude remains through their adult lives. Also, getting a first job during a recession could put some men in a lower income bracket for life, making them less attractive to potential spouses.
This projection is just a blip when it comes to the general population; there are nine million women who were between 20 and 24 at the start of America's current recession, and most will go on to have kids. But the study shows that for some women, the economy plays a huge role in the decision to have children. And though previous studies had found women delay having kids in the short run when the economy dips, this is the first to show hard times help some women decide motherhood isn't for them.
Photo: Stocksy